saTHeS KUmaR

Be Positive Like This Boy

A beautiful Madam was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. Madam asked,'Boy. what is your problem?'

Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

the Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.



Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.


Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.


And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.


Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?

Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'


Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

Boy.: 'Pockets.'



Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut


Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum


Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer..

Boy.: Shake hands



Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.

Boy.: Tent



Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.

Boy.: Wedding Ring


Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.

Boy.: Nose



Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

Boy.: Arrow


Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?

Boy.: Fire truck



Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.

Boy.: Fork



Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Boy.: SURNAME.


Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?

Boy.: HEART.



The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to
University
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'

Soal Jawab Guru Dan Sin Chan...

Guru : Kenapa awak lambat?
Sin Chan: Kerana sebuah papan tanda.
Guru: Papan tanda mana ?
Sin Chan: Yang ada tulisan, "Sekolah di hadapan, jalan pelahan."

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Guru: Sin Chan, Macam mana awak eja perkataan "BUAYA"?
Sin Chan: "B-O-O-W-A-Y- A"
Guru: Bukan, Salah tu.
Sin Chan: Mungkin itu salah , tapi Cikgu tanyasaya macam mana saya mengeja nya,
itu lah yang saya eja !

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Guru: Apakah formula untuk air?
Sin Chan: "HIJKLMNO"!!
Guru: Apa yang awak cakap tu?
Sin Chan: Kan kelmarin Cikgu kata H to O!

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Guru: Sin Chan, Pergi ke Peta Dunia tu, cari dan tunjuk mana AmerikaUtara.
Sin Chan: Di sini Cikgu, Sin Chan menunjukkan tepat kat Peta dunia yang
tergantung kat hadapan kelas!
Guru: Betul. Sekarang, Kelas, Beritahu saya siapa yang jumpa AmerikaUtara?
Kelas:Sin Chan Cikgu!

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Guru: Sin Chan, beritahu satu perkara penting yang kita tak ada 10tahun dulu.
Sin Chan: Saya Cikgu!

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Guru: Bagaimana kita boleh mengelak penyakit yang di sebabkan olehgigitan serangga?
Sin Chan: Jangan kena gigitserangga.

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Guru: "Boleh tak sesiapa beritahu saya perkara yang kamu tahu berlaku secara kebetulan?"
Sin Chan: "Cikgu, Ibu dan Bapa saya berkahwin pada hari yang sama,pada masa yang sama dan juga pada waktu yang sama."

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Guru: Sin Chan, aneh sungguh stokin yang awak pakai ni, satu warnahijau berbintik hitam dan satu lagi berwarna merah berbintik biru. !
Sin Chan: Ya betul Cikgu, memang nampak aneh, saya pun hairan keranaterdapat sepasang lagi dengan warna yang sama kat rumah .

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Guru: Sekarang, Sin Chan, Sebetulnya beritahu saya dengan jujur adakahawak berdoa sebelum makan?
Sin Chan: Tidak Cikgu , Saya tak perlu buat begitu , kerana saya tahuibu saya adalah seorang tukang masak yang bagus.

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Guru: Sin Chan, Karangan awak "Anjing saya" adalah sama seperti yang dikarang oleh Adik awak. Adakah awak meniru kerja dia?
Sin Chan: Tidak Cikgu , ia hanya lah anjing yang sama!

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Guru: Siapakah orang yang kita panggil yang tak henti henti bercakaptetapi orang tak berminat nak dengar?
Sin Chan: Seorang Guru, Cikgu!

PART I

Che'gu Nasyor sedang mengendali kelasnya dalam aktiviti sukan di padang sekolah. Seperti biasa, Che'gu Nasyor akan menyuruh murid²nya melakukan regangan otot. Tiba di satu bahagian, dimana murid-murid baring dan mengangkat kaki lalu menggerakkannya seperti sedang mengayuh basikal.

Che'gu Nasyor asyik memerhati seorang muridnya yang pada mulanya menggerakkan kakinya tiba-tiba memberhentikan kakinya. Lalu Che'gu Nasyor menyergah muridnya yang bernama Man Tapah.

"Woiiii Man, apa sebab kau berhenti ni hah"
"Oh Che'gu Nasyor, basikal saya tengah turun bukit Che'gu, sebab tu saya berhenti. Takkan nak kayuh jugak."


PART II

Waktu sekolah telah tamat.sebelum keluar kelas, Che'gu Nasyor telah bertanya kpd murid²nya.

Che'gu : Siapa nak masuk/pergi syurga?

Semua murid mengangkat tangan kecuali Man Tapah lalu Che'gu Nasyor pun berkata,

Man : Mak saya kata lepas habis sekolah, terus balik rumah.. jangan pergi mana-mana.



PART III

Che'gu Nasyor sedang mengajar Bahasa Melayu dalam kelas 1 Mawar...
Che'gu : Man, boleh kamu buat ayat dengan menggunakan perkataan tepong?
Man : Itu senang saja cikgu.. ayatnya ialah.... emak sedang membuat kek di dapur.
Che'gu : Mana tepungnya??
Man : Tepong kan ke dalam kek tu.... Che'gu nie tak sekolah ke hape??



PART IV

Che'gu Nasyor : Joe, cuba terangkan apakah tugas akar pokok pisang?
Joe: Untuk mencari makanan, che'gu
Che'gu Nasyor : Bagus! Sekarang giliran Wati pulak. Apakah tugas batang pokok pisang?
Wati : Untuk membawa makanan yang dicari akarnya, che'gu
Che'gu Nasyor : Bagus! Sekarang giliran Man Tapah pula. Apakah tugas daun pisang?
Man Tapah :untuk membungkus nasi lemak, che'gu...
Che'gu Nasyor : uii... lagi bagus... berdiri atas meja sampai habis kelas...

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.

She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."

The woman freed the frog, and the frog said,

"Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.

Whatever you wish for, your husband will get ten times of it!"

The woman said, "That's okay."

For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

The frog warned her,

"You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world,an Adonis whom women will flock to".

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."

So, BOOM- she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world.

The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world.

And he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine."

So, BOOM- she's the richest woman in the world!

The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered,

"I'd like to have a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.

Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stop here and continue feeling good!

There were three black ladies getting ready to take a plane trip for the first time. The first lady said, 'I don't know bout y'all, but I'm going to wear me sum hot pink panties before I get on that plane.

'Why you going to wear them for?' the other two asked?

The first replied, 'Cause, if that plane goes down and I'm out dare laying butt-up in a cone field, they going to find me first.'

The second lady said, 'Well, I'm a-going to wear me some florescent orange panties.' 'Why you going to wear them?' the others asked. The second lady answered, 'Cause if this hare plane is going down and I be floating butt-up in the oshun, they can see me first.'

The third lady says, 'Well, I'm not going to wear any panties..... ....

'What? No panties?' the others asked in disbelief. The third lady says, 'that's right girlfriends, you hears me right. I ain't wearing no panties, cause if this plane goes down, honey, they always look for the black box first..